This year has been an amazing year so far for my friends. The biggest part of it is babies, I love babies, I love their new born smell J.
While it is certainly beautiful to celebrate such amazing blessings with those I cherish and love the most, it is also so difficult to fully join in on their happiness because like I said, I love babies. (I don't have any of my own as yet, the plan is to get married first then start a family). It made me wonder why it is so much easier for negative emotions to consume me at the sound of blessings than it is for positive emotions. I don't know if men experience such feelings as women do but I'm open to the conversation.
The biggest negative emotion that overwhelmed me was jealousy. I became jealous of others blessings that my own blessings seemed like they were gone with the wind. As I was doing research, I realized the intensity of this negative emotion that drives friends, family and even colleagues apart. One story that caught my attention was one of Naomi Oni and her "friend" Mary Konye who threw acid on her friend because she was jealous of her looks. It saddened me that someone could let this feeling control them to the point where they would bring harm to the next person. In the millennial we live in, jealousy is glorified through the media by songs we listen to and statements we make. No wonder most relationships are tied by the knot of jealousy and not many know how to break free from it.
The emotion that is jealousy, is so nasty that once left to run our feelings, it destroys everything in its path. Once jealous, partners in a relationship threaten the other "if I can't have you, no one else will", colleagues belittle others "what, you want a gold medal?" and some girls in relationships "claim" their partners as theirs. It has been said a lot that "a little jealousy from a partner never hurt. It actually means they love/care for you." In some instances jealousy has become such a pride that "when people are jealous of you, it means you are doing something right." I can't say for a fact when jealousy is good nor bad for you. All I know is how terrible I feel when I let it consume me as it belittles me, makes me feel inferior, takes hope away and brings darkness with it.
My church Pastor explained it this way, "put facts ahead of feelings/emotions" as feelings/emotions aren't always "correct" (for lack of a better word). That is why some people would advise me not to make a decision when emotional because it's not always the best/wise decision. Emotions/feelings are good to have but they have to be put in their place. They are not meant to rule us as we have authority over them.
So here's how to notice when you are being jealous and how to put it in its place.
The first step is to understand what jealousy is and wikipedia explains it as such;
"Jealousy is an emotion, and the word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, concern and anxiety over an anticipated loss or status of something of great personal value, particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness and disgust.
(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jealousy)
The second step is to understand why you feel this way.
For me, I felt jealous towards my pregnant friends because it's something I have wanted for a long time and it seemed as though it was happening to them and not to me. Even to a point where I judged them according to their past wrongs. This caused a great discomfort within because firstly I had no right to judge and question The Maker's decision to bless them. Secondly it was wrong and mean of me to think that my friends weren't worthy of such blessings all because I envied them.
I thank God for Jesus because I have come to realize that I'm not ready for a baby yet and that has brought such a great amount of peace within. This is not an excuse nor a petty statement to console myself but the truth. Like I said before, I love babies because of their new born smells, but what happens when that fades?
The third step is to confront and change it from negative to positive.
I remember when a good friend of mine invited me to her shoot as a guest and I was really impressed with how she made her dream a reality that I felt jealous. Before I left the set, I confronted and confessed to her my jealousy. Don't get me wrong, she was doing an amazing job but at that moment, I had stopped counting my blessings and focused on hers. She had worked hard to be where she was and deserved all the blessings that came her way.
After I confessed to her, I felt much better and proud of myself that I didn't keep quiet and let this emotion destroy our friendship. As a good friend that she is, she encouraged me to keep working hard and even helped me count my own blessings (hahaha).
The fourth step is to apologize.
The apology for me started from within. I had to forgive myself for feeling this way before I could apologize to others because jealousy is an emotion that starts from within. So why not defeat it from within first! After I had forgiven myself, I confronted my friends of this emotion and asked for their forgiveness had I done anything against them because remember. When you are jealous, sometimes you don't recognize it nor it's actions. You could offend someone without realizing it.
The fourth step is to love.
It is easier to love than to hate (or any other negative emotion) as that brings about happiness. I chose not to be nasty but to elevate myself and those I love by encouraging them when they succeed, being their pillar of strength and comfort when it goes bad and joining in on their success.
NB: I struggled a lot to write about jealousy, it took me 5 days to complete this.
For more information on jealousy and how to deal with it, go to (http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy). I found it helpful.
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