Now you know that I'm retrenched, lost a friend, single, broke and staying at my Mother's house. Have you ever went to the doctor or any medical profession, had a check-up or medical procedure done and on the second visit; you are asked to wait in the waiting room? All by yourself, waiting for the results of your health? Well on this part of the post; that's what I went through. Waiting.
My business partners and I decided that we had learned our lesson from failure, we picked ourselves up and planned the next event. We had paid the artist after all so he needed to deliver. We went back to the drawing board, wrote down everything that was required to host an event, planned, researched, asked and sourced sponsors because at that time, none of us had money to fund the event. After doing our research, we were told that in order to host an event in any public space (community hall, stadium etc), the event must be approved beforehand by the SAPS 6 months prior to the event. Yes, you read right. 6 months for someone to say yes the event can go ahead before we meet with stakeholders concerned like the health and safety department, security, architectures, water, plumbing, electricity. The works.
We thought it was a joke (no seriously, we did). How can an approval take 6 months? So we followed "protocol" and moved our date to the next following month hoping that everything would be approved before the event took place. We confirmed a venue, and waited the approval in order for us to go ahead. The approval came alright, after much follow ups of calling and sending emails. It came 2 days before our event and they told us that it wasn't approved because we sent the request late. By late they meant that we sent it a month before the event took place which means that they had to rush their protocol in order to approve our event and they weren't having that. So again, another disappointment, another failure. We then decided to really follow protocol this time as we realized that they were being serious about the approval taking 6 months. We sat and wrote our year plan down, applied all the necessary procedures we had to in advance.
At this point in time we had meetings to attend to with sponsors and my car didn't have petrol. (I was the only person with a car at this point that we could use). By not having petrol I mean not a single drop, not even in the reserve tank. That was the first time since I bought my car that I had ever experienced this. I have had my petrol light come on but never to a point where there was not even a drop left, not even to go pour petrol. I remember my brother suggested we walk to the meetings and it wasn't like a 5km walk. No, it was a long ass distant walk. This marked the first time in my life that I had ever walked that distance. I'm proud to say I put my running shoes to good use.
 | |
| My beast at the back with no petrol. Had to run to a meeting :) |
My pregnant sisters at this time of their pregnancy were the bosses at home. They were running the show and we couldn't tell them any different because of "the fragile state" they were in. I mean, these ladies sucked pregnancy for all it had. Coupled with financial problems at home and the event not succeeding, it became too much and my body felt it.
So in the middle of it all I decided to meditate daily in prayer and read the bible. I remember I took out my "husband to be" list of what he has to look like and the characters I wanted him to have as a friend, lover, husband, father, leader and businessman. *I know it's weird for me to take out a "husband to be list" in the middle of what I was going through but it was the only escape I had for a future I was hoping for.* I read it and tore it into pieces. Not because I was angry or anything but it was because while I was meditating, I realized that while it is a good thing to write down a list of the kind of person you want, it wasn't a good thing to live for it. By living for it I mean focusing your eyes on the man of your list and not letting God do His part. He heard you when you told him your list but you have to trust that He will send you the right person and be open to know that that person might not be everything you want from your list.
So I started to focus on working on myself, reading inspirational stories of women in the bible like Rebekah, Ruth and the Proverbs 31 noble woman whom I aspire to be. I started to follow Meagan Good and her husband Devon Franklin as they mirrored the road I have chosen to take and their journey has given me great courage to trust in God and to let go. I have heard that their book "The Wait" is worth every penny especially if you waiting on God. I am yet to read this book. (Should you feel the need to buy it for me. I will not say no (hahaha) unless if you have alterior motives then stop right there). Jokes aside though, from the previews I've read online, the Instagram images of the book and watching videos of the couple. I recommend this book to everyone who is celibate and waiting on God.
I wanted (and still do want) to know and understand what it means to be a wife and what is required from me because many times we as women (some of us) want to be a wife but yet we do not understand what it means to be a wife. I also wanted to understand what a husband is and what role he plays. I associated myself more with the Proverbs 31 woman because she isn't just a wife and a mother. She is also a business woman who works late till the night and wakes up early to feed her family, a woman who is wise and noble, sews clothes for her family, gives to the less fortunate but importantly. Her worth is far more than rubies.
In this period of praying, meditating and hustling. I felt like I was in the doctor's waiting room, waiting to hear any news or word from God because at that point; nothing seemed to be functional in my life. It is still, quiet and dark in this room. I don't know if I'm going or staying, if I'm doing the right thing or not and if I should go right or left. In the middle of all this I receive a call that my keys are ready for collection for an apartment I applied for last year. This came as a shock because I'm in no space to add on to my responsibilities. So I decide to rent it out. It makes perfect sense to do so. I remember the day I went to see the final product, collect keys and clean it. I fell in love with the place. A blessing. When I was down to nothing, God was up to something and it was just perfect. Beautiful, just for me and just like Abraham and Jacob when God gave them land. I named my apartment "God Has Blessed" because he gave me this apartment when I had nothing and didn't do anything to see it through. I had actually forgotten that I had applied for it.
I looked for tenants but no one could occupy the space and I was running out of time as the first payment was coming up. And just like that, God worked another miracle. The UIF money came. When I was minus a lot of money in my bank account, people calling for their money every single hour of each day. When I had not even a cent to my name and had given up on the UIF money. God opened up heaven and had mercy on me. I paid all my debts, the calls stopped, I could help my family and myself, my car was serviced and had petrol. At my lowest, my God showed Himself.
I'm happy to say that my family is closer than ever. I have 2 more nephews to add to the list (which makes it 3 in total. For now). A miracle for my older sister because she just had her first baby at 35. I remember my Aunt told me that you're never late. God's timing and the world's timing are 2 different things. She also told me that when I'm in the waiting room, when its dark and all windows and doors are closed. When there is no sound and you can't hear The Lord's voice. To keep on waiting, trusting, taking everything to God in thanksgiving and to never loose faith and hope. That He will finally speak, and when that moment came. What a glorious thing it will be.
So although things are unfolding slowly, I'm still in this journey with God. I'm now freelancing with hope that this is only the beginning of greater things to come. God has more in store for me. I'm in a position where I can help others by sharing my journey with them and encouraging them. I haven't met someone yet but I trust God's timing. Until then, I will enjoy and delight in what He has blessed me with.
What I take from this lesson is this: Never run away or fear the journey. Even when it feels like you are walking through the shadow of death, He is with you. When you have no thanksgiving or worship words. Thank you is enough. It may not feel like it is, but it is enough. Make sure you talk to people, that you are surrounded by people who love and support you and not crash you down. I am very grateful to everyone who stood by me on this journey because when I only had "thank you Jesus" come out of my mouth and nothing else. They stood by me in prayer, praying for me and I wouldn't have made it without them
So I'm still in the waiting room but a window is open. I see my surroundings, I hear children laughing, opportunities arising. I feel the sun on my face and I'm filled with joy. This journey hasn't ended yet but I have hope for things to come.
No comments:
Post a Comment